Sayings and Quips: 25

I got arrested in la and boy am I beat

I got hosed

I got some new underwear yesterday Well it was new

I guess I just have to accept it

I guess that was it

I had amnesia once or maybe twice

I have a degree in liberal arts do you want fries

I have a strong will but a weak will not

I have an ax to grind

I have been had

I have been on so many blind dates I should get a

I have got a good memory but it is short

I have got a mind like a A What is that thing call

I have got a monkey on my back

I have had amnesia

I have had an ear full

I have no bones about that

I have not a clue

I have not been the same since that house fell on

I have not seen hide nor hair of him

I have not slept one wink

I have not the foggiest

I have not yet begun to procrastinate

I have nothing to declare but my genius

I have nothing to offer but blood toil tears and s

I have other qualities

I have pull

I have seen better arms on a rocking chair

I have seen better looking legs on a table

I have to face my fear

I have to pee like a race horse

I have worn out more tool pouches than you have so

I heard that in relativity theory space and time a

I intend to live forever   so far so good

I is a college student

I just followed my intuition

I just got a gun for my wife It is the best trade

I just got lost in thought and it was unfamiliar t

I killed a 6 pack just to watch it die

I like being single I am always there when I need

I like cats too Let us exchange recipes

I like kids but I do not think I could eat a whole

I like my men like I like my coffee Ground up and

I like my women like I like my coffee Cold and bit

I like you but I would not want to see you working

I love animals they taste great

I love being free it is the best way to be

I love cats   they taste just like chicken

I love cats they taste like chicken

I love cooking with wine and sometimes I even put

I majored in liberal arts Would you like fries wit

I may be a cruel and heartless bitch but I am damn

I may be fat but you are ugly   I can lose weight

I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle

I need it like a hole in the head

I need that like a hole in the head

I need that like a moose needs a hat rack

I need your help like I need a migrane

I need your help like I need termites on a raft dr

I need your help like a kangaroo needs a purse

New Section

I never think of the future It comes soon enough

I never went to bed with an ugly woman woke up wit

I only drink to make other people more sociable

I ought to tan your hide

I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow

I planted some bird seed A bird came up Now I do n

I prefer old age to the alternative

I pretend to work They pretend to pay me

I quit smoking cold turkey

I read about the evils of drinking so I gave up re

I said no to drugs but they just would not listen

I say jump you say how high

I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips

I slept like a baby I woke up and cried every two

I smell a rat

I smile because I do not know what the hell is goi

I smile because I have no idea whats going on

I souport publik edekasion

I spy with my little eye

I started out with nothing and still have most of

I still miss my ex but my aim is getting better

I take the challenge

I think sex is better than logic but I can not pro

I thought I wanted a career turns out I just wante

I thought I was wrong once but it turns out I was

I thought about being born again but my mother ref

I took an iq test and the results were negative

I tried to daydream but my mind kept wandering

I trust him as far as I can throw him

I try to take one day at a time but sometimes seve

I used to be a lifeguard but some blue kid got me

I used to be clueless about math but I turned that

I used to be indecisive now I am not so sure

I used to be schizophrenic but we are all right no

I used to have a handle on life but it broke

I used to have a very open mind but my brains kept

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept fal

I want patience and I want it now

I was born at night but not last night

I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake

I was hit with an ugly stick

I was more nervous than a ceiling fan storeowner w

I was not born yesterday

I was only looking at your nametag honest

I was roped into it

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out

I went to san francisco I found someones heart

I will always remember you

I will be a monkeys uncle

I will be damned

I will be the judge of that thank you

I will bet you a dollar for a doughnut

I will bet you dollars to doughnuts

i hate plants

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