» Ethnic Rock Stars
» Made from 100% Recycled Atoms
» Political Stuff
» US Soldier Apparel & Shirts
» Adult/Sexual Humor
» Mile High Club: Official Member
» Cancer Support Apparel
» Sexy. Single. [Occupation.]
» Fantasy Sports Apparel
» Mind-Warping Illusions
» Karaoke Legend
» Parental Advisory Designs
» I Love Animals (They are delicious)
» Judge/Lawyer/Law School
» I Drink Like a Pilot.
» Craps Legend
» Trailer Park Apparel
» CTU Agent
» 2 Golf-Themed Designs
» Crazy Kracker
» You Are Unique...Just Like Everybody Else
» Poker Themed Shirts
» F.A.D.D. (Friends Against Drunk Dancing)
» Visual Mindf*ck
» Will Do Anything For Money
» I Love Animals. They Are Delicious
» Flip Cup Legend
» Free Cavity Search
» Chicks Dig Fishermen
» Chicks Dig Archers
» All Things In Moderation, Including Toleration
» Chicks Dig Divers
» China = Cheaters
» Chicks Dig Pilots
» This Sentence is False
» Go Horse!
» Chicks Dig Skiers
» Beer Pong Legend
» Cricket Tees
» Football Themed Tees
» Judges Rule
» Chicks dig bowlers.
» Chicks Dig Hangliders
» Ninja cleverly disguised as a Nerd
» Go Horse!
» Ticket to...
» Bowler Babe
» Got Balls? (Hanglider)
» Chicks Dig Goalies (Soccer)
» I Love Animals. Fun to Pet, Delicious to Eat
» Chicks Dig Bicycle Kicks
» Hockey Goalie Tees
» Chicks Dig Bowlers
» Go Horse!
» Got Balls? (Ski Jumper)
» Chicks Dig Wrestlers
» I Love MY....
» Save Suri
» Chicks Dig Balls
» Scientology is for Wankers
» No Fat Chicks
» Geologists
» Chicks Dig Polo
» Baseball Tees
» No Goldiggers
» I've Gone Viral
» Drugs Are Good
» You Just Got Served.
» Future Lawyer
» The Professional Bull Rider's Tour
» Chicks Dig The Wheels
» Polygamath
» Chicks Dig Scientists
» White Trash
» "Future CEO"
» Ask Me About Band Camp
» Future Grandmaster
» Ninja cleverly disguised as Skinny White Boy
» Int'l League of Grandmasters
» Chicks Dig Nerds.
» Wiki-maniac
» Chicks Dig Fencing
» Air Guitar Legend
» You are unique...just like everybody else.
» Int'l Council of Quantum Mechanics
» Int'l League of Fencing Masters
» Barry's Talent Juice
» Xocai Related Gear
» Major League Daytrader
» The Bird Flu is Coming!
» I Broke the Code.
» Hazardous to your Health
» Bomb Paris.
» Buck Fin-Laden
» Who farted?
» Golfer Girl
» Impossible Shape
» Booze & Drug Themed Tees
» Chess Queen
» Professional Meth Chef
» Buck Fin-Laden
» Blog Or Die
» Daytrader
» Filthy Rich
» I Make Bank.
» Wanna feel my bicep?
» Gemini (Fish 69)
» College
» iPoo
» Broke Ass
» Smells Like Updood...
» Go Jihad Yourself.
» Ancient Hotties
» I Love Wine.
» Happily Married.
» Pimp My Ride
» Guns...Crazy White Kids
SHOPKEEPER BIO


SimonSez Designs
IN, USA
Member Since: 2005

Pick up something nice for yourself today...because, dang it, you deserve it!

Learn More...

Make Porn, Not War

Make Porn, Not War
The world would be such a better place if we'd stop trying to kill each other, and just start f*cking each other instead...and filming it. That's the world I wanna live in. Make Porn, Not War.

Everything...Learned From Watching Porn

Everything...Learned From Watching Porn
There are so many subtle life lessons embedded in porn. Generosity, love, hard work (pun intended), creativity...porn has it all. Honestly, where else would you learn all your sweet bedroom moves?

Watching Porn is not a Crime

Watching Porn is not a Crime
Many people take offense when their partner watches porn...many religious nuts detest the idea altogether. In moderation, there's nothing wrong with enjoying a little porn.

Amateur Porn Star

Amateur Porn Star
Even great porn stars have to start somewhere...so whip out the video recorder and get it to work. Great gift idea for the boyfriend or girlfriend who likes to bring the camera into the bedroom.

Perfect Wife (W.I.F.E.)

Perfect Wife (W.I.F.E.)
She's the perfect wife, or should I say, W.I.F.E. ...Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc. Great gift for the wife with a healthy sense of humor.

The Perfect Wife

The Perfect Wife
She's the perfect wife, or should I say, W.I.F.E. ...Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc. Great gift for the wife with a healthy sense of humor.

Tight End

Tight End
Ok, so you're not a football player...hell, you're not even a big fan...but the boys will surely take notice of the girl wearing this shirt. Tight End.

Smile if You're Gay

Smile if You're Gay
Just try not to smile when you look at this shirt...go ahead. Great prank to play on friends while you question their sexuality. Smile if You're Gay.

I Love Asian Chicks

I Love Asian Chicks
If you love the Asian chicks like I love the Asian chicks, then you've got to have one of these shirts.

I Love Porn

I Love Porn
Well, duh. With their clever plot lines, detailed character development and top-notch acting, it's hard (no pun intended) not to love porn. It's like your life, only...not really.

I Love Reverse Cowgirl

I Love Reverse Cowgirl
A personal favorite of mine. If you've never heard (or experienced) reverse cowgirl, then you are missing out, my friend. Those who've been there will understand the passion behind this shirt.

A Girl's Standards

A Girl's Standards
3 different shirts with the ruler available here...'minimum size requirement', 'must be this big to enjoy this ride' and 'a girl's got to have standards.'

iStrip

iStrip
Alright, another iPod inspired design, but this one is sweet. Perfect gift for your girlfriend. Or the perfect gift for yourself, if you're a stripper, or if you just like to dance like one.

Pink Taco

Pink Taco
Mmmmmmmmmm...Pink Tacos. Yummy! Pick up a sweet gift for your favorite pink taco connoisseur today.

Save A Horse, Ride...

Save A Horse, Ride...
Collection of 'Save a horse, ride ____(fill in blank)' shirts can be found here. Giddy up, cowgirls!

I Dig ....... Chicks

I Dig ....... Chicks
Check this section for a variety of 'I Dig _____ Chicks'. Mexican, Asian, Persian, Russian, Swedish and more. Honestly, you just dig any chick who'll talk to you...and this shirt may help you.

Does this shirt make my cock look big?

Does this shirt make my cock look big?
Sweet shirt for a night out at the local watering hole. Chicks can't help but check out your package when you're wearing this awesome shirt. Well, does this shirt make my cock look big?

"Perhaps you'd like to speak with my boss"
I think we all know who's calling the shots when it comes to men and their 'brains'. If you want results, best to speak directly to the boss.

Casting Couch Productions

Casting Couch Productions
The Casting Couch...helping fat, old Jewish men get laid for years. It's a tradition as old as Hollywood itself.

The Bang Bus

The Bang Bus
What will those crazy kids think of next? Hey, let's drive around in our van, pick up chicks, bang them in the back as we drive around town, then promptly kick them back onto the street. Bang Bus.

Blow to get a Drink?

Blow to get a Drink?
Who do you have to blow to get a drink around here? A classic for a night of boozin' at the local bar, pub or club. Bartenders will certainly appreciate your sense of humor.

I Fuck on the First Date

I Fuck on the First Date
And the second, and the third. Alright, so there's no sense waiting when the chemistry is right...and with you, it invariably is. Go ahead and get it on, whenever...wherever.

Pornstar in Training

Pornstar in Training
Yeah, that's what I'm doing, training...practicing and perfecting my art. You don't think Ron Jeremy just woke up one day and became #1? No, he had to work hard at it...and so will you.

I Love Cock

I Love Cock
No sense in being shy about it. You love the cock and you're ready to tell the world (via your slick new threads). I Love Cock.

Professional League of Entertainers

Professional League of Entertainers
Perfect gift for the stripper, escort, exotic dancer or hired talent who prefers to call what they do 'entertainment', as opposed to the above titles. Sweet gift for your girlfriend, too.

The Shocker

The Shocker
Nothing says 'I Love You' like The Shocker. Two in the pink, one in the stink. Two for the Super, one for the pooper. You get the point.

You've got Porn!

You've got Porn!
Ding. You've got porn!

Polygamy...not just for the Mormons anymore.

Polygamy...not just for the Mormons anymore.
Polygamy is the new monogamy. Why let those crazy Mormons have all the fun? Support the Polygamist movement with your killer new gear.

Easy Button

Easy Button
So you don't really need to be wined and dined and showered with fancy gifts...you're easy and there's no use denying the fact. Don't you wish we all had an easy button.

The Little Wigger

The Little Wigger
This crazy little cracka's seen one too many Hip Hop videos and now all he desperately wants to do is be like his heroes. Somebody give that little wigger a 40 oz to wash that watermelon down.

Your Real Dad

Your Real Dad
The Milkman. Delivering the goods for so many lonely housewives. Cuz you know you look nothing like your 'real' dad.

Wanna Play Doctor?

Wanna Play Doctor?
Ah, the old doctor trick...helping 6 year olds (and some clever older boys) get freaky since the early days of medicine. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Certified Ob/Gyn

Certified Ob/Gyn
Is there a doctor in the house? You've got so much experience with beaver, you might as well be a certified Ob/Gyn. Awesome party shirt, the ladies are sure to dig it. Let's get drunk and play Dr.!

MILF Carton

MILF Carton
Mmmmmm, MILF does a body good. Scientists suggest several servings a week to help maintain the strength and vitality of your bone(s).

Thespians Tees

Thespians Tees
Actors, thespians, drama clubbers...you gotta respect their ability to get up there in front of everyone and perform.

World Class Pimp

World Class Pimp
You're a global business (ahem, bidniz) man, an international man of mystery and intrigue, pimping your ho's all over the world. Ok, probably not, but it's a sweet shirt anyways. World Class Pimp.

Chicks Love Big Cocks

Chicks Love Big Cocks
Well, duh! Everyone knows that chicks dig the big fellas.

Hot XXX Action

Hot XXX Action
Queue the hot 80s porn music.....awwww yeah. Hot, steamy, XXX action just seems to follow you wherever you go when you wear this sweet tee.

I Like to Watch

I Like to Watch
So you like to watch...you're a bit of a voyeur. Maybe you just like to keep an eye on that boyfriend/girlfriend of yours...make sure they're safe. Stalking = caring = love.

"I Love Cock"
When ya love it, ya love it. (and we all know that you do) Share your joy with the rest of the world. Cock.

Conserve Gas...ride a fat chick to work today.

Conserve Gas...ride a fat chick to work today.
With gas prices going through the roof, it's time for each of us to do our part. Saddle up, big fella. Conserve gas, ride a fat chick to work today.

Fellatio...All the Cool Girls...

Fellatio...All the Cool Girls...
Ah, those innocent teenage years and the pressures of fitting in. When all else fails, just try to do what everyone else is doing...in this case, blowjobs.

Me Ruv You Wrong Time.

Me Ruv You Wrong Time.
OK, so her English isn't so hot...but her sucky-sucky skills are top notch. $5 fo you, G.I. Joe...Me so horny, baby. Me Love You Long Time.

I Go Down.

I Go Down.
Who's going to argue with such generosity? Advertise your willingness to please with this 'I Go Down' t-shirt. You'll be making new friends in no time.

Virgin

Virgin
You're still a virgin and proud of it. Or perhaps you're not technically still a virgin, but you'd like everyone to think you are (surely that 8-way gangbang on Spring Break doesn't count, does it?)

Blow Me.

Blow Me.
Blow Me. Yeah, that's right...put it in your mouth and get to work.

Whipped.

Whipped.
He's whipped and you know it. Perfect gift for the boyfriend who's finally given in to your every request. Go ahead and get this shirt for him...cuz you know he'll wear it if YOU tell him to.

Someone order a Large Sausage?

Someone order a Large Sausage?
All the girlies love a man who can deliver the X-Large sausage...be that guy.

Simon Says...

Simon Says...
Simon's a good ole boy with a lot on his mind. Straight to the point and honest, sometimes crude, but always entertaining. Come take a look at what he's got to say these days.
*Explicit language.

P.I.L.F.

P.I.L.F.
American Pie-inspired, this shirt is sure to be a hit. Cuz hey, who doesn't love pie?

Whore

Whore
Cheerleaders are the biggest skanks around (or so I'm told.) If you're a cheerleader (and a slut), wear it proudly. Or if you simply hate cheerleaders, show them how much with your awesome new shirt

Lick Me

Lick Me
Never underestimate the power of subtle suggestions. This one's not too subtle, but it does the trick. You wouldn't want it to melt, now would ya? Lick me.

Pedophile

Pedophile
How about a little poke at the Catholic Church? Your religiously-inclined friends are sure to enjoy your irreverent sense of humor.

The Bang Boat

The Bang Boat
Cruisin' at its best. Coming to a port near you. All aboard!

B.I.L.F.

B.I.L.F.
Now that's one hot muthaf'ckin banana. How much do you really love your favorite fruit? Show the world.

Compulsive Fornicator

Compulsive Fornicator
You're a real sex machine. Anytime, anyplace...just say the word.

The Bang Bus

The Bang Bus
As seen in countless high-school parking lots across the country. Come take a ride on the Bang Bus.

STUNTCOCK

STUNTCOCK
If you've seen 'Orgazmo' (from the creators of South Park), you'll understand just what a 'stuntcock' can be used for. You're a professional stunt double, and your specialty is the moneyshot.

Sally Says...

Sally Says...
In response to the "Simon Says" line of designs, here comes a set for the ladies. Sally tells it like it is and isn't afraid to tell the boys just what to do and how to do it.

Fruitcake

Fruitcake
Mmmmmmm, fruitcake. Share your love of fruitcake or your not-so-subtle sexual tendencies with the world.

Jelly Doughnut?

Jelly Doughnut?
Can I interest you in a jelly doughnut? Not everyone understands the 'jelly donut', so you might need to 'show' her how it works.

Best Pussy in Town

Best Pussy in Town
You've got the best pussy in town...take it anyway you want to. Pet lovers beware, you may get some strange glances when wearing this shirt.

Wanna Buck?

Wanna Buck?
Hey baby, wanna buck? Chicks love animals and this shirt is sure to grab their attention.

I Love Bananas.

I Love Bananas.
Now this chick really loves bananas. Healthy and nutritious, bananas are the perfect food for a growing girl. Share your love. Mmmmmmmm.


Welcome to SimonSez Designs, your source for fresh new t-shirts and apparel. Don't get caught wearing the same old worn-out styles. Whether you're looking for something funny, clever, witty or just plain unique, we've got you covered. Happy Shopping!

Questions? Order by phone? Call 1-877-809-1659
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