Truths that might surprise people.

The Difference Between A Redneck and A Normal Pers

The Difference Between A Redneck and A Normal Pers
The Difference Between A Redneck and A Normal Person. Rednecks just think differently from other people. This cartoon clearly illustrates that difference.

Liver is Evil

Liver is Evil
The Liver is Evil! It Must Be Punished! Just another reason to avoid water and juices, and to head for the bar or tavern.

Reality Continues To Ruin My Life.

Reality Continues To Ruin My Life.
Reality Continues To Ruin My Life. No matter how hard you try, it seems like the real world just has to intrude and make things more difficult than they already are.

High Explosive Solutions

High Explosive Solutions
There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives. What more can you say?

Fish Tremble...

Fish Tremble...
The perfect gift for the fisherman, or fisherwoman: Fish tremble at the sound of my name!

Fleshwound (black)

Fleshwound (black)
The famous Monty Python quote: It's only a fleshwound! (using black text)

Fleshwound (red)

Fleshwound (red)
The famous Monty Python quote: It's only a fleshwound! (using red text)

Don't Succeed/Skydive

Don't Succeed/Skydive
If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Is Not For You. Some people seem to have no success at anything they try to do. Here's some advice for them.

Captain Cook

Captain Cook
A take-off on the pirate's name, applied to the man, or woman, who likes to cook.

Miskatonic University Class of...

Miskatonic University Class of...
Ah! Grand old Miskatonic University, Home of the Fighting Cephalopods, and located in Arkham, Massachusetts. Cthulhu and the other Old Ones are proud of you. And the classes you graduated from.

Non-violent Gambler

Non-violent Gambler
I'm A Non-violent Gambler. (I've Never Hit A Jackpot!) I don't know about you, but it certainly feels that way to me.

Small, But Perfect

Small, But Perfect
Small, but perfectly formed! It's not the size, but the shape that matters most!

It's Only People Food (cat)

It's Only People Food (cat)
It's Only People Food If You Lock It Up In Time! Anyone with a cat knows that leaving food out where it's available usually results in the cat adding that food to its diet.

It's Only People Food (dog)

It's Only People Food (dog)
It's Only People Food If You Lock It Up In Time! Anyone with a dog knows that leaving food out where it's available usually results in the dog adding that food to its diet.

Who Dies, Still Dies

Who Dies, Still Dies
He Who Dies With The Most Toys... Still Dies! For some people the goal is all about what they can get in the way of material possessions. Tell them their goal is absurd.

Woodchuck Tongue-twister (in Latin)

Woodchuck Tongue-twister (in Latin)
How Much Wood Would A Woodchuck Chuck, If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood? The famous tongue-twister rendered into Latin, where it's as much a twister as it is in English.

Neutiquam Erro. (I Am Not Lost)

Neutiquam Erro. (I Am Not Lost)
Neutiquam Erro. (I Am Not Lost) Show off your sophistication, as well as the fact that you really do know where you are.

Trying is Failure!

Trying is Failure!
A pessimist's view of life: Trying Is The First Step Towards Failure!

Sex Is Like Air...

Sex Is Like Air...
Sex Is Like Air. You Don't Notice It Unless You Aren't Getting Any. Aint this one just the absolute truth!

Cat. It's What's For Dinner.

Cat. It's What's For Dinner.
Cat. It's What's For Dinner. You don't really hate those feline pests, they actually make a pretty good meal! Tastes just like chicken.

Chains Required, Whips Optional, ...

Chains Required, Whips Optional, ...
Chains Required, Whips Optional, But There's Always Room For DUCT TAPE! Just the usual toys one finds in the bedroom!

I'm Lost...

I'm Lost...
I'm Lost. I've Gone To Look For Myself. If I Return Before I get Back, Please Ask Me To Wait For Myself. Not much attitude, but sometimes it does express the way you feel. And it's funny, too.

Two Theories About Women

Two Theories About Women
There Are Two Theories About Arguing With Women. Neither One Works. My theory about arguing with women is "Don't." Sometimes it works. When she doesn't want to argue.


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