Unspeakable Evil'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'
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Copyrighted Plant'Mam, we're from the Monsanto Corporation. Your tomato plant is in violation of a number of copyrights.'
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THE Devil'Well sir, it's just that running this place has always been a real team effort, and. . . you know. . . we're just not sure it's fair for you to go around calling yourself THE Devil.'
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Monkey Business'Well, the company is bankrupt, and that means we're going to be shut down. I'm afraid there'll be no more monkey business.'
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Lawn ServiceBazzini & Sons Lawn Service: 'We don't cut corners'.
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Fatherly Advice'As you go through life, always remember that money isn't everything...Health benefits and stock options are also very important.'
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Spiked Bottom'I know it doesn't seem possible right now, but trust me, it could be worse.'
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Cashier 'Have a nice day... And I don't say that to just anybody.'
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Toil in Obscurity'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'
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Who You Know'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'
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Dental Plans'You want the red dental plan, or the blue dental plan?'
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Soul Searching'I've done a lot of soul searching, Jenkins, and I've realized there's more to money than life.'
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Wizard Success'But I don't want to give you the impression that there was some kind of magic formula for my success.'
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The Dow'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'
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When Pigs Fly'Of course we'll upgrade you, sir. Our policy requires us to treat all customers with the dignity and respect they deserve...When pigs fly.'
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Profit Sharing'Good news!...I've set up a generous profit sharing plan for all of you.'
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Clock Watching'Hey, I'm not paying you people to watch the clock. That's Henderson's job.'
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Smoke Signal'Please...take...a...moment...to...complete...our...brief...survey...to...help...improve...customer...satisfaction...'
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Health Plan'Of course, we're fully prepared to offer you our comprehensive employee health care package.'
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No Women'A glass ceiling?...Don't be ridiculous. The sign works just fine.' |
Mumbo Jumbo 'Sorry, but this report is simply unacceptable. Way too much mumbo... not nearly enough jumbo.' |
Outside the Box'The problem is the way you do your business...You just can't seem to think outside the box.' |
Human Contact 'Yes, our website is currently under construction. We sincerely apologize for any human contact you may experience during this time.' |
Brain Qualifications'Look, I think you're perfect for this job, but your friend there is just slightly overqualified.' |
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CEO Promotion'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.' |
Competence Threat 'It's a very impressive resume. Unfortunately, at this company we find competence threatening.' |
Organized Crime'So you morons just dumped him in the river without cataloging it?... Damn it, this is supposed to be organized crime.' |
Resume Liar"This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?" |
All White Office "Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender." |
Team Players"All right people...it's come to my attention that someone in this company isn't a team player." |
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Reinventing the Rock 'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.' Cartoon of cave man creating the wheel and a critic telling him what he thinks of innovation |
