Stutts University Store

Stutts cares about the environment. Here's a great way to show that not only are you more eco-conscious than everyone else, you're also smarter and richer, too!

$18.99

As worn by the Bush twins during their infamous appearance on "Girls Gone Wild."

$18.99

Stutts grads are 57% less likely to be overweight than the rest of the US--which means they need this flattering fitted tee.

$17.99

Because you demanded it! The Stutts crest, blaring proudly from a ringer tee.

$16.99

How do you turn a tank top into formal wear? Why, put a Stutts crest on it, of course!

$16.99

As worn by the last sixteen winners of the famous Tour de France.

$16.99

Who says you can't be smart and sexy? Some idiot that didn't go to Stutts, that's who!

$20.99

The choice of Stutts hotties from Gstaad to St. Bart's!

$18.99

Show off those massive guns and that massive brain, all at the same time!

$16.99

Want to show your school pride, while keeping your money in the stock market where it belongs? Look no further, Moneybags!

$11.99

Simple. Classic. Snobby as hell.

$16.99

As worn by Nelson Rockefeller at his inauguration as Vice-President.

$16.99

Passerby will stare at your chest when you don this classic tee.

$16.99

Whether you're out on the links or winging urine balloons across the Old Quad, this shirt says, "You can't arrest me! I'm a Leader of Tomorrow!"

$18.99

The one and only. Draw attention to your man-boobs with this classic tee.

$16.99

This once-white shirt was irradiated by the fun-loving scientists at Stutts' famed Not-A-Secret-Government-Lab Laboratory. Guaranteed to cause cancer with prolonged exposure.

$16.99

Let your alma mater ride proudly upon your bodacious ta-ta's!

$17.99

A replica of the pre-concert suit worn by SUNO members during last summer's much-publicized European tour.

$44.99

When short sleeves just won't cut it, this long-sleeved version of the timeless classic is perfect for any occasion.

$20.99

The classic sweat, perfect for playing touch football with the Kennedys.

$22.99

Sporty, spiffy, and full of "zoom"! The choice of kicky vampiresses everywhere.

$28.99

Ancient. Classy. Inscrutible to outsiders. Pure Stutts.

$18.99

Your friends will go, "What's Stutts?" and you'll go, "If you have to ask, you'll never know."

$26.99

Wear the same shirt John Wilkes Booth wore when he shot Lincoln! Scholars now believe that Booth hated Lincoln not because of the Civil War, but because Lincoln got into Stutts and Booth didn't.

$19.99

Perfect for those chilly, sleet-filled Great Littleton days, this hooded sweatshirt is a must-have.

$26.99

Here at Stutts we don't play baseball; we own the team. Nothing says "I can buy and sell people like you" like this shirt.

$15.99

Wear the same hoodie the Stutts football team does! In the same size!

$21.99

This rugged classic is perfect for supervising all the other kids as they do your chores.

$16.99

Nothing says "I will be your boss someday" like this classic Stutts tee.

$15.99

Show the other parents just how confident you are in your infant with this presumptuous garment!

$11.99

Let everybody in daycare know YOUR child is going places with this stylish shirt.

$10.99

It's never too early to start pressuring your child. Set their sights super-high with this bib.

$7.99

Whether you're an Old Puke or a new pledge, you can wear your pride on your least essential body part.

$17.99

Quite simply the finest messenger bag you could ever hope to purchase.

$21.99

Two sides...two crests...for just one low price! Be the envy of your Farmer's Market with this sturdy, jaunty tote.

$14.99

Most holiday trees are...well, common is what they are, and we shouldn't be afraid to say it. Class any tree up immeasurably with a genuine Stutts crest ornament. Also good for menorahs.

$7.99

This adorable teddy is just as soft and tiny as a Stutts football player! Won't you take him home? Otherwise he'll have to work on Wall Street.

$14.99

We haven't starting putting dogs on the football team, but maybe that would help! Turn your pet into an unwilling billboard of school pride.

$18.99

A relaxed backyard bbq is the right time to remind everyone that you are much smarter and wealthier than they are!

$16.99

Never forget where you went to college with this striking item. Also good for flinging at Keasbey grads.

$10.99

"Time is fleeting, ever bleating"...Nowyou can remember the best years of your life with every move of your mouse.

$12.99

Everyone knows that nothing in this world is quite as valuable as a diploma from Stutts University. However, you can keep slightly less valuable things in this sturdy box.

$21.99

How often have you thought, "I need something that protects the finish of my table, yet expresses my button-bursting pride in my top-notch educational experience?" Look no further.

$6.99

What time is it? Time to donate to the Quintillion Campaign, of course!

$13.99

Show your school pride by putting this under your butt!

$18.99

Demonstrate your workplace dominance without saying a word. No one will dare mention that whiff of whiskey coming from your morning coffee.

$13.99

Anybody can end up in the Infirmary getting their stomach pumped...This stein will get your there in sophisticated style!

$15.99

Let everyone in the office know who's the smartest (and probably the richest, too!). And all without saying a word...

$12.99

Emend any ensemble with this emblem of educational exclusivity.

$3.73

If refrigerators could attend universities, they'd surely choose Stutts.

$3.73

As seen on suit lapels at Davos, Bilderberg, and the Trilateral Commission.

$2.00

Make your intimate moments a little more elitest with this top-quality branded thong.

$9.99

Is it blood? No, it's the proud emblem of Comma Comma Apostrophe, Stutts' oldest frat. Wear the same boxers the pledges wear!

$14.99

"My child (and my retirement fund) goes to Stutts University." Say it loud, say it proud--you're mortgaging your future for Junior's college degree!

$4.49