Spanky Bow

After a long day of lickin my butt and sniffin poop, there's nothing better than a good butt-drag on a clean carpet.
'Course, this sends the man into a tizzy and he starts screamin' and turnin that red color...sweet. Sometimes he actually takes a swing at me, or aims a kick in my direction. That's when I like to show my affection with a nice smokin poo in his shoe.
But it's not all fun and games. Sometimes he leaves me a nice piece of steak on the counter. Ahh, I just love counter surfing...
What's a dog to do?