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Mother's Favorite Child

Didn't Turn Out Like Bin Laden

Didn't Turn Out Like Bin Laden
Anytime you worry if you were a good mom, remember that at least I didn't turn out like Bin Laden.

Sorry I Made You A Mom

Sorry I Made You A Mom
Sorry I made you a mother and ruined our fun.

I'll Always Be Grateful

I'll Always Be Grateful
I'll always be grateful that you didn't abort me.

Love You More Than Dad

Love You More Than Dad
I love you slightly more than I love dad.

Embarrassing Facebook Comments

Embarrassing Facebook Comments
My Mother's Day gift to you is not deleting the embarrassing comments you make on my Facebook Wall.

Gay Marriage Grandkids

Gay Marriage Grandkids
Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.

MTV Teen Pregnant

MTV Teen Pregnant
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV.

Breakfast In Bed

Breakfast In Bed
I'd have made you breakfast in bed if you'd taught me how to cook.

Keep Your Electronics Functional

Keep Your Electronics Functional
For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional.

Mediocre Mother's Day Brunch

Mediocre Mother's Day Brunch
I hope a mediocre Mother's Day brunch can help negate 364 days of smug ingratitude.

Favorite Parent

Smug Ingratitude

Not Famous Enough

Detriment of Your Own Mental Health

Favorite Child

Almost the Greatest Mom

Mother's Day Celebration

Childhood Issues You Caused

Putting Me Up For Adoption

All the Love You've Given

 Great MILF

Great MILF
New Baby

Passion For Not Cooking



 
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