Shameless Humor : Shameless Sayings : Mormon Swears (And Other Mormon Stuff)

Are you LDS? Were you at one time? Do you know a Mormon? Do you swear like this? Whether you're a Churchie or not, you can have fun with Mormonism.

Oh My Heck! The long, drawn-out way to say, "Omiheck". It's for when you really want to get the point across, nice and slowly. Oh my heck, you can wear a shirt that shows your constant surprise.	Oh my G! Oh my G, are you serious? G-dangit, I don't believe it! Someone's gone and put a G-danged Mormon Swear on a shirt? Oh my G, I have to have it!	Oh My F'in G! 'Oh My F'in G!' is slightly more of a swear than 'Oh My G!' You only hear this pseudo-swear during times of great excitement, as in: 'Oh my F'in G, Marie Osmond is so hot!'
Oh Fetch. Sometimes, when the world is all pressury, and something happens, and maybe there's even something going on, you just need to say, "Oh Fetch."	Fetchin' Fetch Yeah! Fetchin' Fetch Yeah! I totally get to go to American Samoa for my mission! Fetch yes, this rocks! If you get too excited at exciting things, perhaps you should say Fetchin' Fetch Yeah all day long.	What the Fetchin' Heck? What the fetchin heck (is that) (is going on) (are you doing) (do you want) (did you say) (should I say) (do we do) (were you thinking) (do you think you're doing with your hand in my shirt)?
This is Fetching Bullspit. What ISN'T fetching bullspit? If people are always dragging you off to trailer-pulls, and church, and monkey races, and pancake cook-offs, wear something that lets 'em know how you feel.	Totally Fetchable Are you totally fetchable? I know I am. Let the world know you know it by stretching a shirt over your totally fetchable body.	Fetch You, Heathen Do heathens really deserve our respect? I mean really, they ARE heathens and everything. I say "Fetch you" to them, and you should, too.
You're a Fetchin' A-hole. Alright, 'You're a fetchin' a-hole' is NOT the nicest thing to say. But don't you sometimes feel like just telling everyone that? It's for those grumpy days, and careless nights.	Fetch-off and Die. I know it sounds harsh, but you don't know how many times I was told to "Fetch-off and die" by good Mormon boys, growing-up. You know you've said it. Say it some more.	Heck No, I Don't Fetchin' Swear. Heck No! You wouldn't catch me swearing if a fetchin' giant squid ate my dang doodle stick! And those A-holes do that, ya know? Dang fetchin' squid.
Molly Mormon Are you a Molly? Spread the word with simple, shameless style. Imagine if you get each of your friends a shirt...You could hang in the mall, it would be cool!	Marty Mormon Marty Mormon! Good to see ya, man. How long's it been? Are you still with Molly? Of course you are! And how are the thirteen kids? Good. GoOOod....	Jack Mormon Uh oh. If you were once a Marty, but were somehow lured to the Dark Side, Jack Mormon is your new, appointed name. Oh well. Don't wear a mask, shamelessly display your religious orientation.
Kiss Me, (But That's All) I'm Mormon. Kissing is okay, but there are lines that need to be drawn, and they need to be drawn as soon as possible, like the very moment you meet someone.