Morris Telford, The Blog - Merchandise

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"Week 1 Day 1 - <BR>I made a decision today - I'm going to change the world.My name is Morris Telford, though I do not have the good fortune to reside in the shining towers of Telford, instead I live in Moreton Say. I work in a small office and I am responsible for consumables and procurement, I order the paperclips. I live with my Mother and her sister, not because of any inability to live alone or form a lasting relationship with a woman, but due to a shrewd financial plan. I have been saving money since 1989 and today I am going to quit my job, pack my bag, or possibly bags, and go out there, beyond Moreton Say, beyond Telford, beyond even Oswestry to make my mark on the world, to right wrongs, to expose the hidden conspiracies, to damp the fires of evil with my hose of truth. I intend to travel the world in these times of discontent and violence, meet new and interesting people and tell them about Shropshire and how they should visit it.First thing this morning, over breakfast, broke the news to my Mother and Aunt Felicity. There was much wailing, recriminations, shouting, spilling of milk and weeping but after I calmed down it still seemed the correct course of action.First I need to quit my job, I am setting off now to say farewell forever to office consumables. Wish me luck. <BR>Week 1 Day 2<BR>Yesterday I strode into my managers office, an overbearing little Hitler called Mr Magson, blazing with pride and determination. I had prepared a written speech-"Mr Magson, I come to you today not to discuss the ordering of office consumables or petty problems with procurement, I come to speak my mind. I have given this company the best years of my life, while others fulfilled their dreams, stayed up until late at parties and suchlike, my dreams were about responsibility and ordering paperclips, toner, packs of A4 copier paper. You have tried to stifle me, wear me down, bully me into submission over the years, it ends right here. Listen to me now, no more shall my life be ruled by your blinkered little autocracy, I quit, I hand in my notice, I tell you to take your job and shove it. You shall not see me or my like again, I am leaving and will not return." I spent ages writing that. So I walked into his office yesterday and Mr Magson is on three weeks holiday in Goa. I left him a note. I said goodbye to those in the office who had been kind to me. Theresa who bought me Jammie Dodgers and Greta from accounts who looked like an even older Charlie Dimmock.As a final stroke of defiance to his regime, before I left I over ordered the laser printer toner cartridges, they now have enough to last until December 2008 by which time that model of printer will almost certainly be obsolete. Justice has been served.I spent today packing, tonight is my last night at home, my mind is made up. Mother is sceptical; she seems to think she can measure the time period I intend to stay away for my counting the clean underwear I take with me. I explained that most 33-year-old men leave their Mothers much earlier and she must accept I am going for good. She just smiled and returned to counting my Y-fronts. I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Father and Mother, but now I am at a crossroads and need to take the less travelled route in this case the A41 southbound.Tomorrow my new life begins."<BR><BR>Morris Telford - A Salopian Odyssey<BR>If you read only one book in your lifetime, forget Lord Of The Rings (go and see the films instead), forget War and Peace (too may pages), forget Lady Chatterleys Lover (Just read pages 16, 53, 54 and 78 they're the good bits) and forget Militant Trade Unionism - A Re-Analysis of Industrial Actrion in an Inflationary Situation (It contains outmoded ideas about the prime determinants and the limitations of Keynesian analysis), go and buy "Morris Telford - A Salopian Odyssey" and you'll be very, very happy.