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The 1st 30 Years of Biking Are The Hardest An old biker saying to a young one who's fallen, "Don't worry, the first 30 years of stunt biking are the hardest." |
Born to Be Mild A biker on sand dunes on an ATV with training wheels wears a T-shirt, "Born to Be Mild." |
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Wrong Type of Carbo Loading A bicyclist saying to another who’s stuffing loaves of bread into his bicycle basket, “McWit, that's not what's meant by carbo loading.” |
Pay Extra For Tour de France on a Bus An elderly couple huffing and puffing on bikes around the Eiffel tower are caught up in a race. One says: “I guess you have to pay extra for those Tour de France on a bus.” |
Pre Traumatic Stress A nervous biker putting both legs into one pant leg. "Before his first stunt bike competition, Harold is suffering from Pre-Traumatic Stress Syndrome." |
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Sure Elephants Never Forget A bike racer saying to an elephant that's just fallen off a bicycle, "Sure elephants never forget. You can't even remember how to ride a bicycle." |
Extreme Sports Biker As A Baby A baby buggy bounces on one wheel. "An extreme sports biker as a baby." |
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Playing Hockey W/ Contact Lenses A hockey player on his knees says to charging oncoming opponents, "Hold it! I dropped a contact lens." |
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Extreme Golf Golfer swinging at an eight-foot ball saying, “Anyone who says golf doesn't give you much aerobic exercise hasn't played extreme- olf.” |
Poultry in Motion “Poultry in Motion” Chickens drive a boat and water ski in a Chicken X-ing zone on a lake. |
Nose For Baseball A man with a two-foot long nose running to base while the baseman tries to catch a ball. "What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose." |
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Where the Deer & the Antelope Play Hockey "Where the Deer and the Antelope Play." Animals are playing hockey. |
Don’t Laugh at Yoga for Horses A horse trainer saying of a horse sitting in a yoga position, "Don’t laugh. It's added three points to his scores." |
Pirates in Baseball About a pirate who's thrown his peg leg to first base an umpire says, "Egads. I’ve forgotten what the rule is about a runner throwing a leg to base ahead of himself." |
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Ultra Safe Sex A woman saying to a man who’s come to bed in a wet suit, "This is carrying safe sex too far." |
Lack Speed, Gain in Nose A runner with a REALLLLLLLY long nose races to the finish line, his nose practically touching it. "What McWit lacks in speed, he gains in nose." |
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Poor Denture Adhesives A fish whose dentures are caught on a fishing line saying, “Thank God for poor denture adhesives.” |
Rider’s Block "Rider's Block." A perplexed biker looking at his bike and saying, "Well I'll be. I've completely forgotten how to start this thing." |
Contact Lenses as Fishing Lures A man catching fish says to a kid, "It's expensive, but I find the best lures are blue contact lenses." |
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Motorcycle Feng Shui A biker whose motorcycle has two flats and a smoking engine says, "The Feng Shui of the road must be off." |
Custom Tandem A woman on a bike where the second seat is above, not behind the first one saying to her husband, “Dear, could I suggest one small change for our next custom built tandem?” |
Geriatric League An old baseball player shuffling toward a base with his walker. “The only drug this league tests positive for is Geritol.” |
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Biker’s Significant Other A biker hugging his motorcycle standing at a house entryway saying, "Mom, meet my significant other." |
Biker’s Safe Sex A woman saying to a man wearing a motorcycle helmet to bed, "Safe sex is not making love with your helmet on." |
Basketball Gloves? An umpire standing next to a player with a humongous glove flips through a book says, "I know there must be a rule about using a basketball glove somewhere in here." |
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I'll Take The Division Line A very fat basketball referee says to his very thin partner, "I'll take everything at the division line. You get the rest." |
Mirror Is Out Of Order When a football referee looks into a mirror with an "Out of Order" sign he’s reflected back looking like a basketball referee. |
Unusual Sports Amenities At A Hotel "The Sports Hotel offers sports fans amenities beyond a pool and a workout room." A basketball hoop is above a bed in a hotel room. |
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A Little Joke On the Coaches "Our casual Fridays may have gone too far." Everyone in an office is either wearing bathrobes or are nude. |
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Get Back In Uniform Referee to another wearing a crown and robe, "I don't care WHAT the genealogist said. Get back in your regular uniform!" |
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Goat Has Problems Playing Soccer A soccer player retreiving a ball stuck in between a ram's horns says, “How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?” |
Obsolete Fish Finder A man in a boat reading the definition, “OBSOLETE: Any high tech fish finder you bought last week for $1,000." |
Players Show Respect if You're a Colonel A horse trainer saying of a horse sitting in a yoga position, "Don’t laugh. It's added three points to his scores." |
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Sell Video Rights to Cable Sports A kid objecting to his mother taking video pictures at his softball, "Sorry, Mom. I'm hoping to sell exclusive rights to the cable sports channel." |
Saving Whales A man in a scuba suit sitting in his living room surrounded by whales saying, "Some people save stamps or coins. I save whales." |
Game Dog Loves Online Poker “When the breeder sold Steve ‘a great game dog,’ he didn’t mention that the dog’s great game was on-line poker.” A hunter’s dog doesn’t even notice it has a pheasant on his tail. |
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Baseball Drug Rehab Video Game A kid buying a game saying, “Dad, let’s get this baseball video game. You have to guess which players are going to be sent to drug rehab.” |
Atlantis Water Planning A scuba diver swimming through a ruin. "Atlantis, a case of a poor city water planning." |
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Will This Be A Charge? A store clerk says to man in a basketball referee uniform, "I suppose this will be a CHARGE?" |
Some Assembly Required "No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction." |
Excessive Bike Accessories "A bike accessory you'd be better to do without: A helmet luggage rack." A biker struggles under the weight of all the stuff on his head. |
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Didn't Pay The Gravity Bill A juggler's balls and pins stuck to a ceiling. He says, "Drat! I forgot to pay my gravity bill again." |
Fuzz Buster on a Bike A highway patrol officer saying to a bicycle racer with an odd gizmo on his handle bars, “A fuzz buster? Kind of optimistic, aren't you?” |
Who Needs Gravity Inversion Boots A prisoner hanging in shackles says, “Just think, I used to pay a spa $30 a month to hang me upside down in gravity inversion boots.” |
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Biker Carries A Compact Car On His Back A bike is on the roof of a compact car while a biker has an upside down compact car on his back. |
Bike Gang Thievery Method #125 “Bike Gang Thievery Method #125: Stealing a rack of bikes, rack and all.” Several thugs ride a rack of bikes still chained to a rack. |
Scoreboard Taps into the CIA A referee looking at gobbledygook coming out of a basketball scoreboard says, "We had a power surge, and the electronic scoreboard seems to have tapped into the CIA's computer." |
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Must Be Coach Johnson's Place A sign on a door of a sporting good's store says, "Out to lunch. A basketball referee says, "Must be coach Johnson's place." |
You Can Cover Most of The Court A very fat basketball referee says to his very thin partner, "I'll take everything at the division line. You get the rest." |
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