Lucky Hooker ShirtI always seem to find a penny on the hotel floor afterwards whenever I wear this shirt. |
Iced TeabaggedThrow some lemonade in there and it'd be an Arnold Palmer teabagging. Yeah, that's right. I did just say that. |
Gum in PocketI got a good three feet in my pants--Bubble Tape that is. |
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Married ChicksThere's something about the fact some dude with a shotgun could walk-in at any second that makes it that much hotter. |
Yes, I GraduatedI especially like when people ask me what I'm doing after graduation when I'm in a bar. I'm pretty much doing it. |
Telling Everyone What I Really Think"You know, Bob, I didn't want to say anything at the office, but that tie looks stupid...and your sister's a whore. Here, let me get the first round." |
Cubs Lose!Stock up on Loss shirts for the play-offs (you only need 3 of 'em). |
Only Thing Worse Than Warm BeerWell, can you think of anything worse? We can't. But then again, we're drunks. If we had the choice, we'd take being drunk and grabbing our chest over sober and healthy any day. |
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Freely & UnitedIf you fail to see the humor in this shirt, try reading it vertically. |
WTF?It's short hand. We eliminated 5 letters and 2 spaces. |
HangmanThe trick is I lose the first few on purpose then suggest we play for money. |
Big ZTo give you an idea how big it is, let's just say I have an inch for every one of Zambrano's losses, then subtract 4. (That's still pretty fuckin' big.) |
90 Times BetterI appreciate you blowing me and everything, just saying it would be better if I had a beer. |
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Just That DrunkAnd if for some reason, the shirt looks perfectly legible, then you're REALLY drunk and about five minutes away from passing out. |
Party Like...I've never actually left a party because of my own choice. I'm usually escorted out after someone says, "I think it's best you leave." |
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Worst Orgy EverChrist everyone's just standing around, drinking and talking. Let's get to the action already. |
Drunk off my AssI sold my car and bought a donkey because you can't get a DUI on a donkey. |
Other Shirt Covered w/ EvidenceI don't know why everyone assumes it's a bad thing. My other shirt is covered in holy water--evidence that I was volunteering at the church earlier. |
Went to JaredWe actually made the exchange in the alley behind a jewelry store. Ironic! |
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Cooler ShirtTrust me, I know from experience. This one time when you were passed out...man, the shirt started glowing in the dark and midgets danced around it holding sparklers. |
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A.A. ClassIf they found out, they'd probably try to get me admit I have a problem again. |
Don't Tell Parole Officer...Look, just because the beer was going down good tonight, doesn't mean I should have to spend another 20 hours of picking up garbage and calling bingo numbers. |
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If I Gave A...The perfect shirt for when your friends set you up with some homely chick or when your family drags you to church on Christmas and Easter. |
Hung JuryThe perfect shirt for getting out of jury duty. |
Do Me a FavorCan you do me an extra favor and not be here in the morning, too? |
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Humongous DAct fast and take advantage of my "buy one get one free offer." |
Drinking Is LifeDetails like where my pants are, whether or not she was 18, why I'm bleeding... |
Two Things I Care AboutAlthough, if I could solve world peace, everyone in the world would have to buy me a beer, or something. |
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GullibilityIt's been scientifically proven that there's a correlation between faith and the deliciousness of nachos. |
My Parents Chose LifeI guess some people consider me spending all of my time in bars and strip clubs a waste, but I'd rather live a wasteful life than a boring one. |
Two HeadsI guess there are really three heads if you count the head on the beer I'm drinking. |
God's Plan...It's not my fault I'm checking out your sister's rack while you're talking to me, I'm just following God's will. |
God's Plan (Women)Sleeping with your boyfriend, that was God's plan. Telling you about it myself, that was my own idea. |
America, Everyone Hates UsI guess the fact Americans wear shirts that say this is one of the reasons why they hate us. But you know what? Read the shirt. |
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Church - Fall AsleepThose who take Church may become dependent. Side effects include a false sense of hope, brainwashing, and the molestation of your children. |
God Hates Brown NosersAnd with all of the daily church-goers, God's asshole is as big as that white tiger's from Siegfried and Roy. |
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Volunteer GigoloSure, I suppose I could make a career out of it, but as of now, it's just a little hobby of mine. |
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Page Two DesignsDesigns that weren't good enough for the first page. Consequentially, the second page designs are still funnier than anything Snorg Tees has ever come up with. |
Value ShirtsMaybe you're a poor college student. Maybe you spent the rest of your money on beer. Either way, we understand. |
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Other CrapWe have other ways of letting everyone know you're a prick besides just t-shirts. |
