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the hitchslaps
The hitchslaps are compiled from public debates, not from published sources. In some cases minor adjustments were made to create a smooth transition from spoken to written word. Words that are emphasized appear as outlines on the back of the t-shirt.
1 / Nature of Reality / The whole universe was designed with just you in mind.
There is a certain arrogance to this assumption that all of this extraordinary development was all about us. The tremendous
wastefulness of it. The tremendous
cruelty of it. The tremendous
caprice of it. The tremendous
tinkering and
incompetence of it. Never mind. At least we're here. The
whole universe was designed with
just you in mind.
2 / Say Sorry / And I still haven't heard enough apology for it
It makes ordinary moral people,
compels them,
forces them, in some cases
orders them do
disgusting wicked unforgivable things. There's no expiation for the generations of
misery and
suffering that religion has inflicted in this way and continues to inflict. And I still haven't heard
enough apology for it.
3 / I Won't Have It / Don't say my children must play with these toys
I'm perfectly happy for people to have these
toys. And to
play with them at home. And
hug them to themselves and
share them with other people to come around and play with the toys. That's absolutely fine. They're
not to make me play with these toys. I will not play with the toys.
Don't bring the toys to my house. Don't say my children must play with these toys. Don't say my toys are
not allowed by their toys. I'm not going to have any of that. Enough with
clerical and
religious bullying and
intimidation. Is that finally clear?
4 / Affront and Outrage / Do we get no credit for saying this?
What about the most
important minority in the history of the world? Those who have
never believed in God. Those who believe that
ethical life is possible without religion. Who don't want it. There are lots of us. We have to be
insulted and
outraged everyday by what we see and what we read. By
slaughter and
murder.
Slaughter and
murder and
barbarism and
insult and
superstitious nonsense. We do not reply in kind. We
don't say we'll go and
kill you if you go on insulting us like this. Do we get
no credit for saying this?
5 / I Won't Have It / One has to oppose this 100%.
Whatever you do, they will find a reason to
take offence. And when they've done that, they think it's their
axiomatic right to go straight to
violence of the most
criminal kind. Including
violations of diplomatic immunity, one of the most
precious gains of human civilization. No. One has to oppose this
100%. I'm not going to live under a
dictatorship of people like this, I'm not going to
listen to their opinions. I'm not going to
respect them. No, keep it to yourself. Do not
dare address me. Do not dare talk to me as if you're
warning me when I comment on this. I won't have it. I won't be talked to in
that tone of voice.
6 / Celestial North Korea / Who but a slave desires such a ghastly fate?
It is the wish to be a
slave. It is the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable,
tyrannical authority who can convict you of
thought crime while you are asleep. Who can subject you to
total surveillance around the clock, every waking and sleeping minute of your life.
Before you're born and, even worse and where the real fun begins,
after you're dead. A
celestial North Korea. Who wants to this to be true? Who but a slave desires such a
ghastly fate?
watch video
/
Hitchens vs Peter Hitchens (his brother) at Fountain St. Church, Grand Rapids (3 April 2008)
/
full debate
7 / I Won't Have It / I'd rather fight it out. If it takes all my life
What is the ground of
grievance here? That the Prime Minister of Denmark will not stop the publication of
cartoons in the evening paper. That's all it takes to make
enemies. People who say let's not make enemies under these conditions are being flat-out
masochistic. Sure we can avoid their ire, just as long as we're willing to
destroy everything that makes our society
different from theirs. Well, I'm
not ready to do that. I'd rather
fight it out. If it takes
all my life.
8 / I Won't Have It / I cannot take your responsibility from you
If Jesus claims to be able to take your sins on himself, remember what we're talking about here. The
revolting idea of
human sacrifice. Of
vicarious redemption. Of
scapegoating. The idea that you can throw your sin on someone else and make him die and take your sin with him. The
repulsive,
immoral idea of vicarious redemption. I can pay your debt. I can serve your sentence in prison. But I
cannot take your responsibility from you. Because it would be immoral to do so. You've
no right to ask it of me. You can't shed that responsibility. The whole basis of morality
requires that you
face it and
take it upon yourself. Nonetheless,
Christianity offers the idea of vicarious redemption.
9 / Affront and Outrage / It is the most important argument we have, ever since the dawn of civilization
The beliefs of the
religious are very
offensive to me. I do not go and burn down the nearest Baptist or Catholic church. I don't call for you to form mobs to vindicate my hurt feelings. I'm an
atheist. I have a
natural resistance to profanity. It comes from
Antigone. It comes from
Sophocles. It doesn't come from monotheism. The
criticism of religion is the
beginning of
all criticism. If you don't have the right to criticize religion, you have no right at all. It is the
most important argument we have, ever since the
dawn of civilization.
So when I say that
religion poisons everything, I mean to say it
infects us in our most basic
integrity. It says we can't be moral without
big brother. Without
totalitarian permission. We can't be good to one another without this. We must be
afraid. We must also be
forced to love someone who we
fear. The essence of
sadomasochism. The essence of
abjection. The essence of master and slave relationship. I say that
this is evil.
It is a
horrible idea that there is somebody who
owns us, who
makes us, who
supervises us. Waking and sleeping. Who knows our thoughts. Who can
convict us of thought crime, just for what we think. Who can
judge us while we sleep for things that might occur us in our dreams. Who can
create us sick, as apparently we are, and then order us on pain of
eternal torture to
be well again. To demand this, to wish this to be true, is to wish to live as an
abject slave.
watch video
/
Hitchens vs Peter Hitchens (his brother) at Fountain St. Church, Grand Rapids (3 April 2008)
/
full debate
I
know what's coming. I know no one
beats these odds. And it's a matter of getting used to that and
growing up and realizing you're expelled from your mother's uterus as if shot from a
cannon towards a barn door studded with old
nail files and
rusty hooks. It's a matter of how you use up the
intervening time in an
intelligent and
ironic way. And try not to do anything
nasty to your fellow creatures.
13 / Mind-Forg'd Manacles / Primates who claim to know it should be distrusted
It's a claim to a truth that
no primate can claim to make. Primates who claim to know it should be
distrusted. Great damage has been done and continues to be done by such
people and by such
ideas. You're better off
thinking for yourself and taking all the
risks, and all the
pleasures that will come from that. The most
overrated of virtues is
faith. The metaphysical claims of religion are
untrue.
People always demand
respect for their faith. Why should I respect someone who makes
enormous claims on
no evidence? And when confronted with that fact, says "I don't need any evidence, I have faith". I think
extraordinary claims such as that they know not just
that there is a God, but they know his
mind, they know his
instructions, they've had
revealed truth from him. A claim like that demands
extraordinary evidence. Instead of which they say 'How about no evidence at all and just take me on faith." Why am I supposed to respect that? I don't
respect it. I
suspect it.
15 / Pogrom of Good Ideas / Let's try that for experiment and see who comes out better
I want to be told how any society that follows the precepts of
Lucretius,
Spinoza,
Galileo,
Russell,
Voltaire,
Jefferson,
Paine, and
Einstein has ever fallen into the same pit of
ignorance,
famine,
cruelty,
stupidity,
hysteria and
witch hunting that is the special privilege of the
faithful. Let's try that for experiment and see who comes out better.
16 / Celestial North Korea / Of course you have free will, the Boss insists upon it
But I would say, yes, I think we have
free will. When asked why I think so, I'd have to take refuge in
philosophical irony and say, because I don't think we have
any choice but to have free will. But the
Christian answer is, "of course you have free will. The
boss insists upon it".
17 / Celestial North Korea / The smashing of your individuality only begins at the point of death.
I've been to North Korea. It has a
dead man as its president. It's a
necrocracy. A
thanatocracy. It's one short of a
trinity. It is the most
revolting and
utter and
absolute and
heartless tyranny the human species has ever evolved. But at least you can fucking
die and leave North Korea. Does the
Koran or the
Bible offer you that
liberty? No. No. The
tyranny, the
misery, the
utter ownership of your own entire personality, the
smashing of your individuality only begins at the point of
death.
watch video
/
Hitchens vs Peter Hitchens (his brother) at Fountain St. Church, Grand Rapids (3 April 2008)
/
full debate
Is it good for the world to appeal to our
credulity and not to our
scepticism. Is it good for the world to worship a deity that
takes sides in wars and human affairs. To appeal to our
fear and to our
guilt. To our
terror of death. To
preach guilt and
shame about the sexual act and the sexual relationship. To
terrify children with the image of
hell, and
eternal punishment, not just of themselves but of their parents and those they love. Worse of all, to consider women an
inferior creation. Is that good for the world?
