Plain logo (no Rule on reverse)

Rule No. 205: More Calvin, less Hobbes.

Rule No. 72: Stewardesses from Third World airlines are much more attractive than those from developed nations.

Rule No. 601: The best vocal register is basso profundo.

Rule No. 159: Never play cards with a man who wears a visor.

Rule No. 264: Lips that have actually been stung by bees are not all that erotic.

Rule No. 154: There is nothing that can be marketed that cannot be better marketed using the voice of James Earl Jones.

Rule No. 310: Born-again Christians have the most meticulously parted hair.

Rule No. 304: The study of inert gases is best left to professionals.

Rule No. 378: People who tell you they love the taste of eggplant are lying.

Rule No. 202: It is not the best use of your time to wish we were still united in a supercontinent known as Pangaea.

Rule No. 192: Sitcom characters watching porn always tilt their heads.

Rule No. 232: White men with lots of college look the funniest when dancing.

Rule No. 219: Never trust an act of civil disobedience led by a disc jockey.

Rule No. 167: All directors named Todd are critically acclaimed.

Rule No. 41: When someone says he is "pumped" about something, it usually means he's about to do something stupid.

Rule No. 27: A man in a minivan is half a man.

Rule No. 99: It's interesting to hear about directors' battles with studio executives. Darned studio executives!

Rule No. 197: In movies Italians can play Jews, and Jews can play Italians, but neither Jews nor Italians can play Lutherans.

Rule No. 64: Old people always have exact change.

Rule No. 83: If Bill Gates were good-looking or well dressed, people would like him better.