Temptation You're weak, but adorable. What can you say? "Don't tempt me. I have poor impulse control." |
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Futility Another Actual Cannibal Quote: "No matter how hard you glare at a glass of water IT WILL NOT TURN INTO A COCKTAIL." |
80 Proof Optimism Said to my buddy Mike Burmingham, any shot of optimism needs to be at least 80 proof. |
Clean/Dirty You may be a pervert, but your heart is pure. "Clean Heart Dirty Mind" Done in conjunction with author Amanda Pharo-Bloxsom, http://www.myspace.com/wearepoptrashwriters |
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Harlot As suggested by Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc, the losttheforgottenthedamned.com, say it loud and proud: Harlot! |
Exercise Finally, a GOOD incentive to do it: "EXERCISE -- how you burn off calories to have another drink." Yeah! |
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Contributing Factor Done in conjunction with the lovely, fabulous & wonderful Ms. Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc, thelosttheforgottenthedamned.com: What kind of friend would I be if I didn't contribute to your delinquency? |
Rotten Done in conjunction with the wonderfully demented and fabulous Andrea Dean Van Scoycoc (www.myspace.com/gothicscrybe): If I were any more rotten I'd own the franchise. |
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Lush Said about me by the hellaciously delightful Hydra M. Star (www.myspace.com/hydramstar): "I'm the fun sort of lush." |
Independent Drinker Care of my darling Uncle, Nick Thielen: I can't be an alcoholic -- I don't belong to any clubs. |
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Sanity A sterling gem of wisdom from the brilliant Jonquil Alexia -- "Sanity is for underachievers." No truer words were ever written. |
On Track In conjunction with the marvelous Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc (thelosttheforgottenthedamned.com): "My mind is on track...the track just needs adjusting now and then." |
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Elder Candy Done after uttering the phrase to a friend while telling her about getting hit on by FOUR 75+ year old men in one day. I must be "Elder Candy"! |
Harmless Uttered by the excellent Amanda Pharo-Bloxsom -- "I may be crazy but I'm not psychotic." Because you may be a little off, but you're harmless. |
Even/Odd Uttered by the lovely Amanda Pharo-Bloxsom -- "I'm only crazy on the even days. (On the odd days I'm nuts)" |
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Wink Yet another Cannibal Rose-tastic way to find out who's fun and who's frigid: 2 is company, 3 is a party and 4 causes injury. |
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Conscientious Misanthrope Said in a conversation with Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc (thelosttheforgottenthedamned.com) regarding my not wanting to fly while sick, what can I say -- I'm a conscientious misanthrope. |
Chocolate! Ohhh that magic bean, is there nothing it can't fix? "CHOCOLATE is the only religion I need." Done in conjunction with Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc thelosttheforgottenthedamned.com |
Off World Because you're light years ahead of them -- "My body may be here but my brain is off world." |
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Bumitude Say it loud and say it proud -- you've worked hard enough to earn some bum time! "I've earned my bumitude." |
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Friends Oh the benefits and loves of friendship! "Good friends make the world go around (and post your bail.)" |
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Grave Crawler I didn't just crawl out of the grave yesterday, ya know -- 'not born yesterday' for the dark at heart. Done with Andrea Dean Van Scoyoc thelosttheforgottenthedamned.com |
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Disappearing Ink Oh the agony that is being fiscally challenged. Money -- it comes in drips and goes in dollops. |
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I Like Naughty Another actual Cannibal Rose quote, said with a wink: You're so naughty! That's why I like you. |
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Play With Me Enjoy this with a wink and a nod: "Play well with others so they'll play well with you..." |
Dumping Ground It's mean and insulting, as well as funny and true -- "You are the litter box of life." For those people the universe (or you) designated as solid waste disposal sites. |
Down To Earth Who says all wine lovers are snobs? "Down to earth is drinking wine from a pint glass." Which is precisely what I was doing when I came up with this.... |
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Flirt Or Fart? Wonder why that hottie is giving you that grin? It may not be *quite* what you're hoping for. "I'm only smiling at you because I farted where you're standing." |
Cheers! Show your love of your constitutional right to DRINK! The 21st amendment repealed prohibition, so celebrate liquid enjoyment and those who pour it. Cheers! |
Bacchanalia It's always party time with your boyfriend Bacchus! A clever way of announcing your love of the grape -- "Bacchus is my boyfriend." |
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Bacchanalia 2 It's always party time with your boyfriend Bacchus! A clever way of announcing your love of the grape -- "Bacchus is my boyfriend." Another script for your buying pleasure. |
Yawn It's time to crush the crushing bores -- "You're not even half as interesting as my cat." And try not to yawn in their face as they're reading it. |
100 Proof Proofreading A moment of sublime silliness conjured with my fabulous Uncle Nick: "I'd make a great proofreader because the higher the proof the better I read." |
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NOT The Driver In the interests of public safety and my own good time, I am NOT the designated driver. Ever. Yes, you guessed it -- an actual Cannibal Quote.... Cheers! |
Catma "Spare me your dogma, I'm a cat person." Whether you're a freethinker, a cat lover, or have an appreciation for witticisms, this is for you. |
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Projectile Moment Cannibal Rose is a naughty Rose -- "You have quite an effect on me. Just like ipecac." For those people who truly make us want to throw up. An original quote, as if you really had to ask.... |
Straight Shooter Don't mistake that beguiling femininity for weakness. She may LOOK like she's adjusting her belt but.... "Screw the tassel -- I'm reaching for my pistol." |
Red Hot Lovers Why are pyros such fabulous catches? Because they're always in heat. Yeah! (This one's for you, Alan....) |
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Bona Basket A fantastically clever way of being subtly explicit, thanks to Polari slang -- "WANTED: Omi with a bona basket." A universal desire for anyone into those lovely brutes otherwise known as men. |
Feign Interest "Will feign interest for cash." I thought of this one at work while being forced to listen to incessant blithering. But it's delightfully vague, so make it work for you any way you wish... |
Gallows Humor "I love gallows humor -- it really keeps you hanging." For the warped, twisted, morbid, intelligent humorist in you. In other words, for the Cannibal Rose in you. |
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Gnome Seduction Truly one of the most nightmare-inducing visions EVER. He's here, he's near (THE BACKYARD!), and I will never get used to it -- the terrifying phenomena of gnome seduction. Hide the kids.... |
Rummaging For Undies This really should go without saying. I do NOT want to know what they do with them.... Talk about creepy, and not in the good way! |
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Bitter For those of us who are realists or just plain unlucky, better isn't for us: "Old enough to know bitter". |
Worth Doing A saucy Cannibal Rose sentiment (and actual quote) for your bemusement. Ask any woman and she'll tell you -- nothing worth doing runs on AA batteries. |
Pretend Voices It's pretty bad when you have to hallucinate the hallucination in order to escape the clutches of those not worthy of your attention. "I just pretend to hear voices in order to avoid talking to you." |
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Pill Talk "No dear, I said count your PILLS not count your 'blessings'." Because bad things happen when the medication runs out.... |
High On Life This lady is DEFINITELY feeling no pain! We'll just say she's, *cough*, high on 'life.' "Never fear, Captain Pharmacological is here"..... |
Best Doing something for someone makes you feel good. Doing something to someone feels better! Take it any way you wish.... |
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Taxi! Poor Eustachius, I doubt he had this in mind for this anatomical study... Goofiness by Cannibal, incredible mastery by 16th century anatomical founder (and Vesalius contemporary) Bartolomeo Eustachi. |
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Wayne's Needs It was a combination of the beach, the tree, and his loneliness. The years without a girlfriend finally became too much for Wayne. |
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Big Queen He wants to know how he looks in his tights and crown. She lets him know. "How do you look?? Honey, you're a bigger Queen than I am." |
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Cuddly New IRS Ogre no more? The IRS is (supposedly) not the Iron Maiden it once was. Even Quintinus the (supposed) martyr agrees! |
No Masochist Here "PLEASE GO AWAY. If I wanted an exercise in masochistic stupidity I would still be with my ex." Show your sense of humor, your interest (/lack thereof) in possible suitors, or both. |
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Limp Karl Poor Karl! Those little blue pills just aren't working and it's time for drastic, albeit humiliating, measures care of his snake-charmer buddy Ed & Ed's horn Beulah. |
Martyr Complex I couldn't help my sarcastic self -- "Have a little martyr complex, do we?" Because we all know someone who is forever on the cross. |
Inburpreter A bit of sweet silliness care of my much-adored father -- "I need an Inburpreter". Perfect for the little ones! Available only in infants/kids merchandise and the teddy bear. |
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Lemon Margaritas "When life hands you lemons, make lemon margaritas" -- my original quote and personal mantra. Written to my friend Kim in a fantastic moment of Complete Clarity. |
Naughty Newsreader I don't know why this line from "Sid & Nancy" cracks me up so much but it does! "Naughty Naughty Newsreader!" |
Incontinence A fit of Cannibal Rose silliness -- "Don't think of it as incontinence, think of it as my overflowing love for you." |
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Branson Undercover We all know it's a hotbed of clandestine subversive activity. So you secret's safe with us -- what happens in Branson *stays* in Branson. |
Rabid Or Happy? If you seem me foaming at the mouth I'm either rabid or happy to see you. Yes folks, Cannibal is a twisted Rose. ;) |
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