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Thanks to: Kelly Kramer@Yahoo.com
Education (highlights):
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With my daddy's help, I got into exclusive Andover, where I was a mediocre student.
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Was in the bottom 20 percent of students as a freshman at Yale, where I also joined the secret Skull and Bones society.
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Applied to the University of Texas Law School and was rejected.
Past work experience:
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Ran for congress and lost.
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Served for a decade on the board of a company that financed several R-rated slasher B movies.
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Bought an oil company,
but couldn't find any oil in Texas, so the company went bankrupt. Sold
all my stock just in the nick of time to a wealthy Saudi friend of my
father.
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Bought a small portion
of the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that forcibly
took land using eminent domain and taxpayer money. Most notable
decision: Traded Sammy Sosa to the White Sox for Harold Baines. Most
notable profiteering: Parlayed a $605K loan into a $14.9 Million profit
using taxpayer money and eminent domain laws to evict homeowners,
obtain land and increase the value of the shares in the Texas Rangers.
Accomplishments While Governor of Texas (1995-2000):
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Relaxed pollution laws
for power and oil companies (I "grandfathered" the dirtiest coal
burning power plants, making them exempt from clean air laws, for
example) and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union, in 1999.
The same year, Houston had the "highest ozone level reading in the
nation", and was second most ozone-polluted city in the country from
1997 through 1999.
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Slashed taxes, reduced
state revenue to the point of bankruptcy and put the Texas government
in debt for billions in borrowed money, the interest for which is now
paid for by the Texas taxpayer.
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Set a record for the
most executions by any Governor in American history and became famous
for publicly mocking Faye Tucker, a Christian female death row inmate,
for her clemency plea before she was executed.
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Appointed US President,
on a questionable decision by a highly partisan Supreme Court, after
losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes.
Accomplishments While US President (2001-present):
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Attacked and invaded two
countries so far, losing more US soldiers after I claimed "Mission
Accomplished" than the total number who were killed during full combat
operations in both wars combined.
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Spent the largest surplus in the history of the country and nearly bankrupted the treasury.
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Shattered records for the biggest annual deficit in history.
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Presided over all time
economic record for most private bankruptcies filed during any
Presidency, beating the previous record, which was set during the
depression years.
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Set all-time record for biggest loss of value in the history of the stock market during any Presidency.
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Helped "push" through
Congress and then signed into law the largest overtime pay cut in US
history, despite the fact that 3 out of 4 Americans opposed it.
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First President in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
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First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any President in US history.
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After taking the entire
month of August 2001 off for vacation, presided over the worst security
failure in US history, the September 11 attacks on the World Trade
Center and the Pentagon.
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Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips of any President in US history.
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In my first three years in office over 3.3 million Americans lost their jobs.
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Presided over the all-time U.S. record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
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Set the record for the fewest amount of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
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Presided over perhaps the
biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when ENRON
corruption was revealed and many states faced bankruptcy.
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Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
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Cut healthcare benefits
for war veterans while posing on aircraft carriers in a flight suit and
despite praising the troops at every opportunity.
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Inspired the all-time
record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets
to protest a US decision to go to war (15 million people).
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My administration is the
most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history, surpassing the
secrecy of the Nixon administration at its darkest moments.
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Members of my cabinet
are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest'
multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named
after her).
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Presided over the worst fiscal crisis to hit all 50 states of the Union since World War II.
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Presided over the biggest
corporate stock market fraud (ENRON, WorldCom, Global Crossing) of any
market in any country in history.
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First President in US history to order an unprovoked attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
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First President in US history to start a war against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
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Created the largest new government bureaucracy (Department of Homeland Security) in the history of the United States.
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Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any President in US history.
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First President in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
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Along with my Attorney
General, John Ashcroft, I have eroded the civil liberties of American
citizens more than at any other time in US history.
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After the 9/11 attacks,
I lobbied for and signed into law the "rush job" Patriot Act, which
legalized "Big Brother-like" surveillance of US citizens for the first
time in history.
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I disregard states
rights when it suits me, but I always run for office on a platform that
holds states rights above federal rights.
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I've imprisoned more
sick people for growing and smoking medicinal Cannabis than any other
president, in violation of states rights, of course, and against the
wishes of the states and local voters.
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Withdrew from the World
Court (International Court of Justice) and I refuse to recognize it
unless it gives my administration, the US and global corporations
special immunity.
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I have kept 660
prisoners of war in Guantanamo Bay for two years without charging any
of them. I've cleverly classified them as "enemy combatants", thereby
allowing me to circumvent the Geneva Convention when I feel like it.
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All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
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My personal friend and
biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest
corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO
of Enron Corporation).
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Instead of springing
into action as Commander in Chief after I learned that the US was under
attack on 9/11, I read a book called 'The Pet Goat' to schoolchildren
for a while so I wouldn't alarm them.
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First US President to
establish a secret shadow government, and I did this without the
knowledge or participation of the opposition parties in congress.
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Squandered world
sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the
most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic
failure in US and world history).
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With a policy of
'disengagement' and open public support for alleged war criminal, Ariel
Sharon, allowed and condoned the most hostile Israeli-Palestine
relations in at least 30 years.
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First US President in
history to have a majority of the people of Europe view the US as the
biggest threat to world peace and stability.
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First US President in
history to have the people of South Korea feel more threatened by the
US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
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Failed to fulfill my
pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. Additionally, I have
failed to bring to justice anyone else responsible for the 9/11
attacks.
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Failed to capture the
anthrax suspect(s) who tried to murder the leaders of our country at
the United States Capital building.
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After intense pressure
from families of 9/11 victims and others, I finally consented to a
public 9/11 investigation over a year after the attacks. But my first
nominee to head the Commission, Henry Kissinger, resigned because of
his secret ties to Middle Eastern business interests.
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In a little over two
years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most
divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
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Entered office with the
strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every
economic category into a sharply downward trend.
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Did nothing about the
failing US power grid during the first two years of my presidency,
despite repeated warnings, and later presided over the largest total
power blackout in US history that incapacitated several states and part
of Canada.
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In order to prevent
financing abortions in China, I cut off all $34 million of aid to the
U.N. Population Fund, which was also used to provide medical care to
teenagers with defective pregnancies.
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I have done a lot to
weaken environment regulations in America. My administration has:
Rolled back clean air standards; broken a promise to address global
warming; slowed the clean up of toxic waste dumps while making
taxpayers foot the bill; changed regulations to allow more arsenic in
tap water; advocated a forest policy that will vastly increase timber
cutting; cut back protections for endangered species; fought for oil
drilling in the pristine Arctic National Wildlife Refuge; allowed
America's dirtiest power plants to keep polluting; opposed renewable
energy and reversed course on energy efficiency; and given key
positions in the White House to former energy executives and lobbyists.
Records and References:
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At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available).
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My daddy pulled strings
to get me into the Air National Guard and make sure I didn't have to
serve abroad during the Vietnam war, and then I went AWOL and deserted
the military during wartime, for which I was not punished.
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I've never taken drug tests and I've been evasive about whether I've used any illegal drugs or not.
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All records of any SEC
investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed
and unavailable for public view.
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Any records or minutes
from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are
sealed and unavailable for public review.
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For personal references
please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at
their offices of the secretive Carlyle Group, which has ties to the
family of Osama Bin Laden).
Thanks to: Kelly Kramer@Yahoo.com
