Ye Olde Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors Shoppe

Only the finest shops rise to the top of the competitive world of shops based on websites featuring fake news about amusement parks. And this shop -- Ye Olde Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors Shoppe -- has risen to the top of that world. Or something.

Anyway. Buy stuff. Click on an item if you can't read the print; you'll have a chance to see it bigger. Or just trust that we're funny.

The t-shirts -- so far -- are mostly designed to wear to events. You'll be the coolest kid there. Promise. The boxers and thong...you can wear as you see fit.