American Angst : Funny Holiday Products : Anti-Valentine's Day

Tired of the commercialism? The phoniness? The added pressure to be coupled, of being made to feel as though you're defective if you're single and/or don't wish to buy (and buy and buy) into the utter hype of this so-called holiday? You've come to the right place! Yes, we also want you to buy, but just ONCE and just to tell the rest of 'em to go to hell.

Funny Candy Heart Sayings Thumb your nose at the commercial tradition known as Valentine's Day. Show your true feelings this year with various snarky comments and symbols printed on a candy heart image!	Fuck Valentines Day Let the world know just how you feel about this so-called "holiday" with a "Fuck Valentine's Day" product. Includes tongue-in-cheek smiley face surrounded by several tiny hearts.	Fuck Valentine's Day Join the Anti-Valentine's Day movement, united in putting an end to this so-called "holiday" and its nauseating sappiness. Succinctly announce your membership with a "Fuck Valentine's Day" product.	Fuck Cupid Join the Anti-Valentine's Day movement, united in putting an end to this so-called "holiday" and its nauseating sappiness. Succinctly announce your membership with a "Fuck Cupid" product.
Love Sucks New Anti-Valentine's Day convert due to a breakup? Regardless of your reasons, wear your feelings on your sleeve with a "Love Sucks" product.	Cupid Can Kiss My Ass We are converts to the Anti-Valentine's Day movement! Join us, won't you? Let the world know that we are not sheep! We won't be sucked in! That "Cupid Can Kiss My Ass"	Cause I'm Dead Inside When people ask why you aren't a sappy romantic or…you know…emotional at ALL, just tell 'em, "It's 'Cause I'm Dead Inside!" …phrase inspired by my husband, who has MORE than earned the slogan.	You Can't Afford Me You know you're high maintenance. You want the finer things in life; tired of geeks without jets. Say it loud, say it proud with a "You Can't Afford Me" product! Great Valentine's Day gift idea!
Screw Love Let 'em know that we don't need to be coupled to be relevant this Valentine's Day. Say it with a "Screw Love" product, cutely presented by pictures of a screw and heart, respectively.	Just Shut Up & Do Me Why be subtle? Don't beat around the bush...lay it all out there with a "Just Shut Up & Do Me" product! (Font includes little hearts on each letter...ahhh, irony....)	Just Do Me Why be subtle? Don't beat around the bush...lay it all out there with a "Just Do Me" product! (Font includes little hearts on certain letters...ahhh, irony....)	Missing: Sensitivity Chip Are you (or someone you love) dead inside? Some raise it to an art level. Announce your inner artist with a "Missing Sensitivity Chip. If found please call 555-Piss-Off-I'm-Fine-The-Way-I-Am" product!
Missing Sensitivity Chip_NP Are you (or someone you love) dead inside? We can all be insensitive sometimes, but some of us raise it to an art level. Announce your inner artist with a "Missing Sensitivity Chip" product!	Not Yours Tired of the commercialism? The phoniness? The added pressure to be coupled? End the sappiness! No more "be mine" sappy crap. Be yourself and put it all out there with a "Not Yours" product!	Be Someone Else's End the sappiness! Put a stop to annoying "be mine" messages. Replace it with a product that has "Mine" with a line through it and instead says "Be Someone Else's" ..an homage to Anti-Valentine's Day.	Stalker Humor We believe a dark sense of humor is the best kind. Clearly we don't endorse actual stalking...just stalking HUMOR. Unless you have a REALLY good reason. Or money. Or they're really hot. Whichever.
No. You're Ugly. People are too stupid (or rude) to take a hint. Why be nice ALL the time? When you've had enough, show what you're really thinking with a "No. You're Ugly" product.	How Can I Miss You..Go Away No more lying to be nice. Screw 'em if they refuse to heed those millions of previous hints. Show your snarky side with a "How can I miss you if you don't go away?" product!