"Human beings were only the third most intelligent life form present on the planet Earth, instead of (as was generally thought by most independent observers) the second." -Douglas Adams
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* If you ain't first, you're last!
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence
* I wanna go fast!
* Help me, Sweet Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!
* God, I want to thank you for my handsome, striking sons: Walker and Texas Ranger- or T.R. as we call him - and for my red hot smokin' wife Carly, who is a stone cold fox.
* Help me Oprah Winfrey!
* I can't control my heart rate, I've got a cougar on me!
* Momma, I'm goin' fast!
* I'm Ricky Bobby, and if you don't chew Big Red, then f**k you.
* Nope, from now on it's, Magic man...and El Diablo.
* This sticker is inconvenient and dangerous, but I do love Fig Newtons.
* I sent my application in to The Real World, and I'm pretty much putting all of my eggs in to that basket, the MTV basket .
* If my MTV career doesn't work out, I was thinking I'd buy a gun and start selling crack. I would be like a laid back crack dealer, though. Not mean or anything. I'd just be like 'Hey boys, how's it going? Want some crack?
* 98% of people will die sometime in their lives.
* Dear Lord Baby Jesus, sitting in your crib, watching the Baby Einstien developmental videos...
* Dear 8 lbs 6 oz newborn baby Jesus in your gold plated diapers and ghost manger...
* ...and I quote the late great Colonel Sanders "I'm too drunk...to taste this chicken"
* Are we going to get it on? Because I gotta tell you, I'm harder than a diamond in an ice storm.
* Wow, I feel like I'm in Highlander.
* I'm a winner like that Asian guy who eats all the hot dogs, and Rue McLanahan you know from the Golden Girls.
* I feel like a badger, stalking it's prey
* Well, I got mauled by a cougar, I didn't learn anything about driving, and now my Crystal Gayle shirt is ruined
* It states in my contract that I must mention Powerade every time I say grace, so I think Powerade is so good, it cools you off, and we look forward to them coming out with Purple Mystic Mountain Blueberry, Amen
* I'm getting dizzy from all the gayness...
* Help me Jesus, Help me Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!
* Will you be my Katie Couric?
Cal Naughton Jr.
* I like to think of Jesus as a mischevious badger.
* I like to think of Jesus in a Tuxedo T-Shirt. Because then it's like, I'm formal, but I came to party. That's how I am.
* Shake and bake!
* Hold on a second Frenchie. You just broke my bro's arm . . . . prepare to be tasered.
* What's El Diablo mean?
* Don't you go stabbin' yourself with that knife Ricky Bobby!
* I like to think of Jesus like a dirty old bum. And he's coming at me, and I'm gunna sock him cause he's a dirty homeless bum and then I think wait a minute... there's something special about this guy. (from outtakes)
* After Taking Rickys' Wife Man you just lost your job, just lost your wife, don't lose your best friend too.
* We missed you at the wedding. It was great. We had a Styx cover band and a nacho fountain.
* Psychosomatic? Does that mean he can start fires with his mind?
Jean Girard
* Hakuna Matata, Bitches!
* We just want what every couple wants, to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use.
* By the way Ricky Bobby, I saw the Highlander movie. It was shit!
* If you kiss me right now on the lips Ricky Bobby, I will leave and go home to my country.
Others
* Walker Bobby: (After Ricky Bobby says grace): Dad, you made that grace your bitch!
* Walker Bobby : I'll go apeshit on your ass, Chip!
* Carley Bobby: If we wanted wussy kids, we would have named them 'Dr. Quinn' and 'Medicine Woman.'
* Reese Bobby: There was a whole rat in my cobb salad.
* Announcer at Racetrack: The current driver, Jean Girard, is sitting on the pole, which is only a statement of fact and in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.
* Bill Weber: Up next on NBC, ice dancing to the hits of Motown.
* Lucius Washington: Now don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that evil on me!
* Glenn: Sorry, but being a pit crew is a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.
* Texas Ranger: I'll come at you like a spider monkey!
* Reese Bobby: Shut up you little potlicker, or I'll put you in the microwave!
* Reese Bobby: If you're not first, you're last!
* Walker Bobby: How much you sellin' that weed for old man
* I'm jacked up on Mountain Dew!
Dialogue
* Ricky Bobby: Nope, from now on it's, Magic man...and El Diablo.
* Cal Naughton, Jr.: What's El Diablo mean?
* Ricky Bobby: It’s like Spanish for fighting chicken.
* Ricky Bobby: Yeah, that's right, I'm the Magic Man. You're just jealous 'cause you didn't think of it first.
* Walker Bobby: Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy!
Texas Ranger Bobby: I don't know what it is, but I love it!
* Ricky Bobby: It's like Highlander.
* Jean Girard: What is that?
* Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
* Jean Girard: Any good?
* Ricky Bobby: Very good, it won an Academy Award.
* Jean Girard: For what?
* Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made.
* Reese Bobby: So Can I help ya?
* Ricky Bobby: Yeah, but I'm not going to call you dad.
* Reese Bobby: Well what you going to call me?
* Ricky Bobby: (Later) Alright Professor Dickweed
* Cal: When you have the stereo and the t.v. on at the same time, how do you control the volume on the t.v.?
* Ricky: Why would you have the stereo and the t.v. on at the same time?
*
===============
more quotes
Well, I figured I would start a collection of quotes from Talladega Nights. Feel free to comment, but they will just be converted into the post:
“This sticker is dangerous and inconvient but I do like Fig Newtons”
“Okay, fine, but I’m still not going to call you Dad.” “Well what are you going to call me then?” “Okay, Professor Dickweed.”
“If you don’t chew Big Red, then @#% you”
“Yeah. Got it at target. It was on sale.” - Ricky Bobby giving the finger
“Hakuta matata, bitches.”
“Daddy, you made that grace your bitch!”
“Hi, I’m the girl…I’m Susan…I painted the car…we had sex”
“When I wake up I piss excellence”
“This is like Highlander.” “What’s Highlander?” “Its a movie.” “Is it good?” “It won the Academy Award for… best movie ever made”
“And Girard is sitting on the pole. Which is a statement of fact, and in no way related to his sexual orientation.”
“Oh and Ricky Bobby, I saw Highlander.. it’s shit”
“Oh yeah, and don’t try to snort the lucky charms”
“Here, I’ll put this knife in to pry out the other knife”
“I wanna thank little baby jesus, whos sitting in his crib watching the baby Einstein videos learning about shapes and colors”
The room is spinning… from all the… gayness.”
“If we wanted wussies as kids, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman”
“I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean full spread. I spread my buttcheeks.”
“If my MTV career doesn’t work out, I was thinking about buying a gun.. and selling crack. I would be like a friendly crack dealer, though. Nothing too formal. I’d just be like ‘What’s up? Want some crack?’”
“I’m on fire! I’m on fire! Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish god! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise use your witchcraft to get the fire off of me!”
“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew”
“Shut up you little potlicker, I oughta put you in a microwave”
“I’m gonna come at you like a spider-monkey”
“I want to talk to you about snow blindness in cats. It’s affecting a lot of cats…and it scares the shit out of me”
“Dear lord baby Jesus. I want to thank you for my family. My beautiful two sons, Walker and Texas Ranger… we like to call him TR, and of course my red hot smoking wife.”
“I think of Jesus as a ninja fighting off evil samurai.”
“Why do you want to listen to the TV and the stereo at the same time?” “Because I like to party.”
“I’m gonna scissorkick you in the back of the head!”
“Dear newborn 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus… ”
“I like to picture Jesus with angel wings. And he’s singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd and I’m in the front row hammered drunk.”
“My teacher asked me ‘What’s the capital of North Carolina.’ I said ‘Washington D.C.’ She said ‘No! You’re wrong!’. I said ‘You’ve got a lumpy butt!’. Then she got mad at me and yelled at me.”
“You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.”
“If you say, ‘I love really thin pancakes,’ we agree? That’s ok?”
“We created the missionary position. You’re welcome!”
“Turn your heads its about to get crazy. We’re gonna make animal noise.”
“I can retire to stockholm with my husband and design currency for cats and dogs to use.” “That’s a stupid idea.”
“Is that Elvis Costello and Mos Def?”
“You be the Magic Man, and I’ll be El Diablo.” “What’s that mean?” “I think it’s spanish for fighting chicken.”
“Dear baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this harvest: Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell”
“It’s like a tractor-beam of hotness”
“Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm.”
“Its like looking up Yasmine Bleeth’s skirt”.
“I sent my application in to The Real World, and I’m pretty much putting all of my eggs in to that basket… the MTV basket.”
“98% of people will die sometime in their lives.”
“Now don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don’t you put that evil on me!”
“To quote the late, great Colonel Sanders, ‘I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’”
“Watch out! I’ll windmill ya!”
“You can’t have two number ones because that makes eleven”
“Lucious I just want to share a little piece of personal information with you, I have a chubby right now, because this is the coolest experience of my life. I’m driving a race car!”
“I wanna go fast.”
“the field mouse is fast, but the owl sees at night!”
“If you’re not first, you’re last.”
“I like to think og my Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt. It shows that he’s formal, ya know, but it also says, ‘Hey, I like to party.’”
“Well, with my wealth and modern technology, I think I can live to 250-300.”
“Down Karen!”
“Psychosomatic? You mean he can start fires with his thoughts?”
“It’s the fastest who get paid, and it’s the fastest who get laid.”
“I just keep trying to think, but it’s all twisted up like a pretzel. I’ve got a pretzel in my head!”
“Oh dear god….please don’t let the invisible flames hurt my good friend Ricky Bobby!”
“Shake and bake!”
“You’re either first, or you’re last. You taught me that.” “Why that don’t even make no sense boy. I was high when I said that. You can be second, third, fourth. . .hell you can even come in fifth.”
“Come on, lets go get kicked out of an Applebees.”
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I put the stud in study t-shirt Britney Spears is holding a veritable garage sale, auctioning clothing, furniture and jewellery on the eBay auction website to raise money for the Ebay Recovery Ebay.
Britney Spears' website. Kentwood, Louisiana.
Items include a white stone bra worn in one of her videos, a pair of blue-and-pink jeans with a pink suede buckle belt, and an autographed "I Have the Golden Ticket" burgundy tank top with an arrow pointing down.
The tank top is similar to the light blue top a pregnant Spears wore to the premiere of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
The auction, which opened on Saturday, continues this week, with proceeds going to The Britney Spears Foundation to help hurricane victims.
Spears, who is married to Kevin Federline, gave birth to the couple's first child, a son, last month.
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Times like these call for a Big Lebowski DVD . When hired goons mistake oafish, amiable bowling enthusiast Jeff "the Dude" Lebowski for their proper shakedown, eccentric millionaire the Big Lebowski movie their error sets into motion a wacky chain of events that pull the Dude into a hilariously twisted mystery. Big Lebowski video the film is a high-key, fanciful farce with the same runaway-train comic sensibility as the Coens' RAISING ARIZONA--and a surreal musical number to boot.The Coen brothers have done it again. Big Lebowski the movie mixing in Leninist philosophy, mistaken identity, crazy characters, a kidnapping plot, and a deep love of bowling, they have unleashed upon an unsuspecting world the many glories of THE Big Lebowski review . Big Lebowski DVD jeff Bridges plays Jeff Lebowski, known as the Dude, a laid-back, easygoing burnout who happens to have the same name as a millionaire whose wife owes a lot of dangerous people a whole bunch of money--resulting in the Dude having his rug soiled, sending him spiraling into the Los Angeles underworld. The film is beautiful to look at, especially the scenes in the bowling alley, which feature a vast array of bizarre characters--including Steve Buscemi, John Turturro, Sam Elliott, and the movie-stealing, riotously funny John Goodman as the Dude's crazy best buddy. As usual in Coen brothers films (BARTON FINK, RAISING ARIZONA), the dialogue is hysterically warped; the plot is confusing, complicated, and kinetic; the soundtrack is virtually another character; and the acting is weirdly stellar. THE Big Lebowski movie is yet another thoroughly entertaining foray into the strange and fascinating world ruled by Joel and Ethan Coen.Theatrical release: March 6, 1998. THE Big Lebowski video features numerous references to the 1946 film THE BIG SLEEP, directed by Howard Hawks and starring Humphrey Bogart as a man who gets involved in a similarly chaotic mystery. Bob Dylan performs "The Man in Me," the song played over the opening credits; Shawn Colvin performs "Viva Las Vegas" over the closing credits. Other artists whose songs appear in the film include Townes Van Zandt, Elvis Costello, Nina Simone, Yma Sumac, and Kenny Rogers. The Dude is based partly on real-life producer Jeff Dowd. The Jackie Treehorn film clip shown in the film is called LOGJAMMIN'; real-life porn star Asia Carrera plays the lead role in the fake film. Shooting took almost 12 weeks, finishing in April 1997. BRANDED, the television show that Arthur Digby Sellers is credited with writing in the film, was a TV Western series that starred Chuck Connors; the Dude thinks it starred Mike Connors, of MANNIX fame. "I suppose there's a side of me that, had I not been an actor, might have lived his life like the Dude," Jeff Bridges said about the role he played in the film. "All those half-finished sentences, all those ers and ums and ehs, they're all scripted in. You can't be relaxed about it. The dialogue is like music. All the characters have their own score and it takes practice and timing to get it right. You can't slack off," Steve Buscemi said about the screenplay. John Turturro's role was cut out of the edited television version, possibly because almost everything he says includes curses. Rock musicians Aimee Mann and Flea (of the Red Hot Chili Peppers) appear as members of the Nihilists. Country rock musician Jimmie Dale Gilmore plays Smokey, one of Walter's bowling opponents. One of the reasons why bowling was chosen as the centerpiece of the film, Joel Coen told the Boston Phoenix, was that "it's the only thing that calls itself a sport where you can smoke and drink beer." The film screened at the Santa Barbara International Film Festival on March 5, 1998."Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man."--The Dude (Jeff Bridges) to Treehorn's thug "That rug really tied the room together, did it not?"--Walter (John Goodman) "Freakin' a..."--The Dude "I don't roll on Shabbos!"--Walter to Donny (Steve Buscemi), upon realizing he's scheduled to bowl on the Jewish Sabbath "All the Dude ever wanted was his rug back."--The Dude to Jackie Treehorn (Ben Gazzara) "You're entering a world of pain."--Walter to a child "Are these the Nazis, Walter?"--Donny "No, Donny, these men are Nihilists. Nothing to be afraid of."--Walter "The Dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that."--The Stranger (Sam Elliott)
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