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Introducing cafepredict
Receive the items you love - without even ordering!

CafePress and the NSA are teaming up to make owning the items you love easier than ever! With CafePredict, no more wasting time shopping for presents, or browsing for the perfect home decoration. By incorporating the power of the National Security Agency's PRISM surveillance program with our unique Customization Engine, we now ship products to you before you order them. Never before has, "we're the government and we're here to help," meant so much to America's consumers.

"This is enormously important to the United States economic security." Dick Cheney

With no effort from you required, ordering is as easy as 1-2-3

  • 1. Using CafePredict, the NSA tracks your online activity.

  • 2. With your information, provided by the NSA, we create custom products based on your interests and friends.

  • 3. The items you love arrive directly to your door. Don't worry - the NSA told us where you live.

Read what our satisfied customers have to say:

"This is amazing. I can't believe the present I got my wife thanks to this service. Now I can play golf all week, and never miss that anniversary thing again."

Mark S.

"They keep following me! I just can't take it! They're scanning my brain and stealing my soul!"

Aaron P.

"I've already received items I didn't even know I wanted, but now I just can't live without. I love the NSA!"

Rachel P.

Celebrate this new service with one of CafePress' exclusive NSA-inspired designs.

*NSA CafePredict Beta shopping program available only in the United States, or wherever Big Brother's arms reach. Void where prohibited which is all locations except for the undisclosed ones. Promotion begins on April 1, 2014 and ends on April 1, 1984. CafePress is not liable for any intended or unintended hilarity that may ensue, although random tirades on the internet are encouraged, as they are quite entertaining, especially if they involve cats. This program may contain peanuts and is gluten free. Thank you for letting us watch! BTW we know what you did last summer. Knotareel Purson approves of this message.